Unforeseen Developments Part V

Since this is Part V, you might want to read Parts I-IV first...

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When Cam smiled his entire face changed. It began as a leathery, cowboy-squinting-into-the-sun, better not say you like disco face and suddenly transformed into the most affable glad-to-meet-you-come-on-over-for-dinner smile you had ever seen. It was the breadth of the smile that did it. It was, as the saying goes, “from ear to ear.” Jed flinched. He hadn’t expected that blatant signal of joy to leap from this otherwise solemn, intense visage. He tried to smile back, but only managed to look nervous. He felt like his nose was beginning to run and, without thinking, thrust his right hand into his back pocket. Cam flinched, dropping the smile and tensing his entire body. His eyes dropped to where Jed’s hand disappeared behind his back. Jed brought the handkerchief he kept back there to where Cam could see it, half raising it as though he were waving a flag of truce. Cam exhaled and visibly relaxed.

Sherm was on all fours, moving like a giant hairy caterpillar down the chips aisle, head swinging side to side, making strange grunting sounds. Jed tilted his head toward Sherm, raising an eyebrow as if to ask “What the hell?”

Cam smiled again, gave the international sign for what-the-hell: slightly hunching his shoulders. “He loves his work.”

Oh, my, thought Jed, what does that mean? He craned his neck to see what Sherm was up to.

Sherm was now lying belly down on the floor, arms outstretched, hands under the rack… beneath the row of Ruffles. Cam half turned to Jed. “Looks like we got some work to do.”

Cam and Sherm were killers alright. And it was time to clean up this joint.
Cam turned to Jed. “You know why we’re here.” A declaration. Jed was obviously supposed to know.

“Yep,” said Jed. “I think I do.” He nodded, resigned to his fate. No weapon within reach. No one coming to help. Glad Tommy had managed to slip out the back. These two were gonna clean up, alright.

“You got roaches, Jed. We’re here to take care of ‘em.” Of course. Exterminators. Jed had forgotten that he’d called Two Guys’ Pest Management Services just last week. Hadn’t realized these two clowns were the two guys. Geez, I nearly had a heart attack. He pictured Redd Foxx clutching his chest and howling “It’s the big one, Elizabeth!” and grinned.

Jed nodded and reached into his pocket. Cam could hear the keys jingling, and then watched as Jed extracted them and glided toward the door. “I’ll be out back with Tommy,” said Jed as he turned the lock in the door.

Cam shook his head. “We’ll need some boxes, Jed. Gotta clear out all this food. And you’re gonna have to help us. Get Tommy to help, too. It’ll go faster.”

Jed nodded, walked past a jubilant Sherm lying on the floor with a cockroach pinched between his fingers. A smile played at Sherm’s lips. He really was happy. Probably killing the damned thing with his body odor, thought Jed. “Don’t eat that, Sherm. Have a twinkie.”

the end

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'til next time...